Episode 2: A Royal Visit

Fester & Myron are brothers. And -- I almost forgot to tell you! -- they are frogs. 

Fester is older, and you could say, the wiser of the two. But he is a little bad-tempered. At times. Is he an outright grouch? No, I wouldn't go that far. Yet it is too often true that Fester festers. What can you do? He is also grumpy, sometimes.

Myron is the minor, of the two. One is tempted to say that he is also minor in other ways, but that is not a thing one should say! Let us confine ourselves to saying, just between us, and in a nice way, that he is gullible. As you will see. Sweet, gullible Myron. Oh did I forget sensitive? He is sensitive.

I won't tell you you, in the picture, which frog is which. Can you tell? 

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Fester & Myron are swimming with purpose round their pond. (Well, truth be told, the pond is not really their pond, but it might just as well have been, at least in the world of frogs). Such swimming is often what they do, especially when they are hungry. And oh boy, hungry they are! They are looking for things to eat, things that frogs like to eat, which are different from things that you like to eat: bugs, worms, snails, and other things like that (do not ask further about these other things, ok?). You can hear Fester & Myron as well: Splish, splosh ... splish ... <bubbles> ... splish ... splosh ... you get the idea. And by the way, I suppose worms are the things they like best. So soft and chewy. In case you're curious. Which you are, aren't you, Dear Reader? It's hard not to be!

 
Then Fester climbed up out of the water, onto a piece of wood, a piece that was once, long ago, part of an item of furniture (though Fester did not know this). It was a bit awkward, as it was a floating piece of wood. In fact, the first time, you see, Fester fluffed it. He did not even get his front half onto the wood! And his back half never really left the water, with, predictably, the wood floating gently away, and Fester fully back in the water, back in the soup, you might say. 

But he didn't need a third try! The second time, I'm pleased to reveal, was perfect. Well, almost. At least he tried to pretend it was perfect, going by the look on his face.

So Fester was situated on the floating piece of wood, quite content. Indeed a smile would have been quite justified, except frogs don't really smile. But you can always tell their mood from their eyes. In fact, a frog's eyes are very revealing. Have you tried looking, Beloved Reader? Verily, a frog's eyes are windows to their souls. 

And now Myron emerges from the water, except that, unlike Fester, he executed the water-onto-wood leap first time with no trouble. As if it were nothing! And, credit to Myron where it is due, it is not at all like nothing! It is difficult, even for frogs. Have you tried it? 

Fester side-eyed Myron. Fester was a little peeved at Myron's exemplary performance, which showed up his own, as we say.

Fester exclaimed, "Well look at you!" (Fester meant Myron, not you, silly!) 

"Look at me what?", Myron replied.  

"You're in a fine fettle", Fester answered. 

"A fine ... a fine what?" 

"Fettle." 

"What's that?" 

"Never mind," Fester answered, not without a roll of his eyes "Now, did you have enough eatsies?" 

"Yup!" Myron patted his tummy, in a self-satisfied way. Granted, it's a little awkward for a frog to pat his own tummy, yet it would not be out of character for him, or for any frog for that matter, to have done it in a self-satisfied way. They're proud of their tummies, even if they can't see them. 

Then suddenly Fester said, "Wait ... wait a minute ... What's ... what's that?" Looking at the top of Myron's head, Fester saw, like, a big, black, um, bug-shell, or rather, the remants of what used to be a big black bug. But Myron -- poor Myron! -- could not see what Fester was looking at. 

Myron was alarmed! "What?" 

"Up there! On your head!" 

"What?" Myron reached up, and his fingers found what used to be a big black bug. "Eww!". Myron picked out what used to be a big black bug, and immediately threw it away.

What used to be a big black bug flew through air, and hit Fester on the face. 

"Eww!", sputtered Fester, quite rightly. Not that there was anything really terrible in the remnants of a big black bug, but it was kind of icky all the same, to have it on your face. There are limits, even in the world of frogs. 

What used to be a big black bug dropped away. But Fester, in case you were thinking it, somehow did not fall in the water, though he did nearly. 

"Myron!!" 

Fester, one must admit, was slightly flappled, if that is a word, and tried very hard not to show it. By a frog's standards, you see, he had a certain reputation of unflappability to think about.

Myron said, or rather, not to put too fine a point on it, squealed, "Whoops! Hee hee!" Was he positively delighted at Fester's little performance? Perhaps! But it's not for me to judge. You, by contrast, are quite free to judge. If you must.

The piece of wood -- the two ends of which were each festooned with a sitting frog -- still bobbed up and down. In fact, it's kind of funny, in a way, because when Fester went up, Myron would go down, and when Myron went up, Fester would go down, and so on. It was like a ride at the fairground. 

"Oh well!", Fester pronounced.  "All's well that ends well, I guess." 

They remained sitting there, on the piece of wood. A fly buzzed about, but neither Fester nor Myron paid it any mind, for they were quite full. Time, you can guess, passed, which time will do, whether you let it, or don't let it, or pay it no mind. The wood, in case you were wondering, gradually ceased to bob. Now, all is still.

But it wasn't all that long before Myron spoke, if quietly: "Fester?" 

Fester says nothing. And by that, of course, I don't mean he actually pronounced the word "Nothing" -- How silly would that be? -- but just to be perfectly clear.

Again, a little louder: "Fester?"

Fester appeared to be lost in thought. ".. Erm ... Yeah?" 

"What do we do now?", Myron enquired.  

"Nothing!', was Fester's response (and this time, he actually emitted the word "Nothing"). 

"Oh. ... So we do ... nothing." Fester reflected.  

Yet more time passed, which, as you now know, time will do, whether you let it, or don't let it, or pay it no mind.

Myron again! "Fester?" 

"Oh for Pete's sake what is it now?", said Fester, with perhaps understandable irritation. 

"Umm ... I wanna do something!"

"O sweet Myron! How many times do I have to tell you that we're frogs, and ... and ... oh. Wait ...". Fester quite suddenly cut off his little speech. 

"What?", asked Myron.  

Fester: "Shhh ...".

"What??", again queried Myron.

"Listen!", ordered Fester.  

A scrambling, or maybe a scampering, was heard. Then: "Ch-ch-ch" ... "Ch-ch-ch."

What's that?", inquired Myron. 

"Shhhhh ... it's .... it's a squirrel!", announced Fester.  

This was exciting, especially for an excitable frog such as Myron! "Really? Where?"

"Right! Come with me, Myron!" With Myron following right after, Fester quickly leapt into the water -- splash! .. splash!, they went -- and, more quickly than I can say it, climbed out on the bank opposite, and with three hops -- three hops each, and they are big hops, long hops, for we are talking of frogs, you see -- they arrived directly in front of the squirrel.

At the sudden appearance of the two frogs, the squirrel was taken aback, indeed was momentarily nonplussed, as we say (that's an unusual word, but it so does fit! If you have any doubts, Beloved Reader, then you can look it up; I think you'll find I am right).

Fester was excited, but didn't really know how to begin, not having conversed with a squirrel before. He said: "Um ... ".

Myron now stepped in: "Hi, there. Whatcha' doing?" (Myron! We love💗him, do we not? So forthright!)

Her equanimity now restored, quite satisfied by Myron's interjection that she had nothing to fear, Gretchen -- for that was her name -- now embarked on a pretty little speech, one characteristic of her kind:

"Ah! Why, of course -- strange you should ask -- I am performing my squirrely business! No one else but a squirrel can perform it!" (Even for a squirrel, Gretchen talks fast, but with perfect clarity.) "It is now Autumn, a hallowed time of year when we squirrels must find, bury, and hide many, many, many nuts, for consumption later, when the weather turns cold, the branches bare, and the benifecient nut-bearing park-walkers, those of the promising Spring and glorious Summer, are few and far between. But let me not parley too long, but introduce myself forthwith! I am Gretchen. 

"And of whom do I have the pleasure of making the aquaintance?" 

Myron, stumblingly, if that's a word, managed only "... um ... " (I imagine that Myron did not understand the speech of Gretchen, a least not fully).

Fester cut in, to the rescue you might say. "My name's Fester ... This is Myron, my little brother." 

"How do you do?", Gretchen politely replied.  

Myron's attention was piqued: "Nuts, huh?" (Turning to Fester), "What are they, Fester?" (Myron was a bit sceptical). "Do we eat nuts? We don't, do we?"

"Myron!", Fester intoned, rolling his eyes. "No, we don't eat them, silly!" (To Gretchen) "Can you show Myron a nut?"

"Why certainly." Out of Gretchen's cheek there emerged a nut. "Indeed I shall do more, now that I am vouchsafed an excuse! I shall demonstrate what we squirrels ultimately do with them! Behold: a fine example of the Hazelnut, otherwise known as the Filbert! Now if you'll allow me a certain liberty ... " 

She takes the nut, and with a mighty munch of her jaw, cracks the nut, with the shell falling away, leaving just the nut-meat, which falls into her hands. 

"Do you see? And, as you're about to learn, once the shell is indeed dispensed with, our custom is to bite the nut, just a little at a time, savouring, bit by bit, or rather bite by bite, it's nutty excellence. What, indeed, could match it?"

Gretchen now demonstrated: munch-munch-munch, she went. Fester and Myron waited respectfully, their eyes glued to the proceedings. 

"Et voila!" (at the consumption of the final morsel). "And now, if you don't mind, I must be off, for, as lately mentioned, there is much squirrelly business to be done! Time is short! And, no doubt, you have much froggy business to which to attend, business that is crying out for the attention of two such representative examples of your inestimable species as yourselves! Goodbye dear Fester and sweet Myron! Tootle-oo!" 

"Um ... bye-bye!", Fester said. 

"Yeah, bye!", Myron said.  

She scampers away. Quite busily!

Only very slowly did Fester and Myron step towards the water, then enter it, and gradually began to swim. 

"Fester?" Myron's mood was almost one of pensiveness, if any mood of Myron's could be described in that way.

For his part, Fester was lost in thought (perhaps his brow was furrowed, although I couldn't quite see). 

"Fester?", Myron tried again. 

"Mmm. Yes ... What is it, Myron? "

"She is a nice lady". 

"Yes", Fester replied. 

Time passes, which time will do, whether you let it, or don't let it, or pay it no mind.

"Fester?" 

"Yes Myron! What is it?" 

"Um  ... What's ... What's froggy business?" 

"Ah. Well ..." -- Fester doesn't like to be revealed as not knowing things -- "I've told you before. It's just whatever stuff we want to do ... You know. Since we're frogs, we can hardly help getting up to froggy business. Satisfied?" 

"Oh. I never knowed that." 

"Well, now you do", averred Fester. 

(Brightening a little). "So we don't have to eat nuts?" 

"No", answered Fester. 

"You're not kidding, right? We really don't have to eat nuts?" 

"No."

"Oh. ... Fester?"

"Yes, Myron." 

"Um."

"Hmm?"  

"I don't like nuts!", said Myron, with feeling. 

"Me neither." 

(Relieved) "I really don't. Eww." 

"Ha ha! Eww!"

They swam, almost touching, in synchronisation, blowing identical bubbles.

Exeunt.